This is all about eliminating deprivation. Last week we saw how our bodies need to be fed, and if we don't honor our hunger, we're at risk of over-eating simply because our body and our mind will do eveything in their power to get the nourishment they need. This week’s principle is about not restricting certain types of food. It’s based on the following observation: if you feel deprived from a food, chances are higher you will over-eat it. The authors call this “Last Supper” eating, when we engage in “what the hell” behaviour, or a binge.

There is a reason why some foods feel difficult to stay in control around. If I take a moment and think about such a food (e.g. chocolate, fries, bacon…) – the feelings that are awakened are different than if I think of a piece of fruit, or a simple piece of bread. These are the “bad”, or “forbidden” foods. Not foods we don’t like, or don’t want to eat, but foods that we believe will by some magic make us fat. The truth of course is that regardless of what you eat, it’s about the energy in/energy out principle. But this is a self-fulfilling prophecy: because we consider these foods to have this power, we avoid them, or we even forbid ourselves to eat them, and the deprivation builds up. So when we do eat them, we tend to overdo. As we eat this food while all along telling our selves we are doing something wrong, we feel out of control, and therefore just proove to ourselves that it should indeed be forbidden to us. 

This is important, so let me say it again. We have set ourselves up for failure: we feel out of control any time we eat the "forbidden food" just because we believe that eating this food is wrong in some way. This further cements our belief this food should be off the table for us. Below is an example with chocolate.

The goal is to reach a state where we feel emotionally the same about fruit and chocolate. It's about breaking the habit of using right/wrong reasoning when it comes to our food choices.

This has nothing to do with willpower. In fact, the more you resist, the more deprivation is build. Imagine a large elastic band attached to a column. Now, imagine taking the elastic band by its loose side and pulling away from the column. The harder you pull and further stretch the band, the more difficult it becomes, because the band pulls you back with a greater force. Pulling the band is a metaphor for exercising our willpower. The force of the band that builds up is a metaphor for the deprivation. In addition, the longer you are pulling, the more tired you get from it. A similar thing happens with the deprivation in dieting – the harder you persist, the more deprived you feel, the more tired you get and more likely you are to give up. And if you do, there is a big chance you’re going to overindulge, at least for a while.

So how to escape this vicious circle? The authors teach us the only way is by giving ourselves an unconditional permission to eat all foods. Scary? I know. But as counter-intuitive as it may sound, this seems to be the way to start rebuilding our trust in ourselves, and our self-control. For me, it certainly requires a leap of faith.

One note: making peace with food is not about throwing healthy eating out of the window. Firstly, once all food is equal, and people feel at ease around any kind of food, they tend to converge to healthy choices. Furthermore, eating healthily is a valid concern, and will be addressed later (by the 10th principle - honor your health). But the order in which these principles are adopted is essential. We first need to heal before we healthy food choices can feel natural.

Practicing this skill will be fun. What I intend to do is visit the supermarket and shop for the “forbidden” favourites, and then treat myself with a different one every day. The authors advise us to be mindful when we eat the foods, and pay attention to how they really make us feel. Do they taste as good as in our imagination? How do we feel after eating them?