Diet,

we go a long way back. We've been together through thick and thin, but the time has come for me to say goodbye, and get on with my life on my own.

Yes, you made me feel better about myself so many times. In times of despair, I could turn on to you, and ask you for comfort. You would promise me a better and happier life, and I would believe you, and follow you. And you delivered on some of the promise. I would indeed feel better, and look better, and my days felt like they made more sense, it felt empowering. But you know what? All along you were corroding my base, and inevitably, you would wear me out until I crash. At the end, you made me feel worse about myself. You made me lose control, and eventually trust in myself. You costed me a lot of my self-respect.

You made me believe I could be different, better. Nobody ever told me I was good enough as I was. Instead of trying to be different, I need to learn more about my true self. To understand, accept, forgive, and love. I need to start living as me.

It's true you gave me hope. Even when the going was tough, I knew in the back of my mind that I could always go back to you, and that you will help me solve my problem. Little did I know it was you lying at the root-cause of my problems. You do have a sneaky way about you. You always let me see just your good side. When the time came to deal with the nasty consequences of our relationship, you would leave me alone. You made me think that it was something I did wrong. Where even the fact I was holding on to you was pushing me deeper.

It's a difficult decision for me. I still feel the lure of your promises. But it's something I got to do for myself. I need to heal, and to find the wholeness within me. Our relationship was way too toxic for me to still make room for you in my life. I will resist your call. I don't trust you any more. You are really not good for me.

You costed me my relationship with the most precious gift I was given: my body. This is the relationship I need to pursue. I need to win back his trust, and re-learn how to listen to him, and take care of him. He needs me, and I need him.

Goodbye diet. Please do not call. Every time you do, you hurt me. You undermine me. Just go, and never come back.

Bigman