This morning I had a light bulb moment. I recognized a pattern in all my bad habits, past and present: drinking, smoking, over-eating, pot-smoking. They are in a way all a form of self-care, or taking care my needs are met. I had this clear image in my head of different instances of the feelings and situations that preceded drinking, eating, and smoking. There was often a period of difficulty, either emotional difficulty, or stressful times. I then felt a need to recover; to heal the hurt; or a need for fun; for relaxing — a need to be taken care of.

I therefore decided to postpone the 6th principle "Discover the Satisfaction Factor" and go straight to principle 7: "Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food". 

Every time I discovered a new "substance" I essentially thought I found a better way to take care of myself. 

Some examples:

  • Need for fun and play (e.g. after work): weed or alcohol. They always seemed like the quickest gateway to fun and play. I remembered how intensely I laughed the first time I smoked pot and how amused I felt doing silly drunken things at a party.
  • Need for nourishment and care - bodily or emotional: food. Food was a universal way to take care of my body, whether it was hungry, tired, in need of movement or in a need of a specific nutrient. Food was also a way to nourish my soul: to take care of my hurts and negative emotions.
  • Need for rest and relaxation. This one I typically tried to counter by "borrowing energy from tomorrow" by drinking today. This one is linked to the next one.
  • Need to belong. This one took different forms. A thing that really strikes me is that as an HSP (highly sensitive person), I get more easily overwhelmed, and I have an increased need to withdraw and relax, and also increased difficulty with facing unknown social situations. Booze and weed helped counter all of that.
  • Need for connection: weed or alcohol. Sharing a joint or booze with people always created a sense of deeper connection. How many times did I feel betrayed the next morning?

I apparently don't really know how to take care of myself. 

So a key to overcoming these bad habits is finding good self-care replacement activities for fun & play, connection, rest, relaxation and relief of difficult emotions. In fact, it seems to me, we first need to get attuned to our bodily and emotional cues that signal the different needs, and learn how to unambiguously read them. Okay: now I simply need to rest. Or no, in fact, I'm feeling bad, I need to take care of my hurt feelings. We then also need an arsenal of healthier alternatives - planned or in our toolbox - to make sure our needs get met. And then we need to do it. Or to work on replacing the old habits with the new ones.

What I intend to do:

  • Re-read the book chapter and share some insights with you 
  • Think about my feelings throughout the day and try to name them 
  • Think about what I need 
  • Try to develop a plan for self-care activities. It should go beyond making a list

How do you take care of yourselves? What causes your emotional-eating?

Take good care of you!