Good Life Cuisine

I've gone through different phases on my moderation journey. After learning about practice, I set myself a goal to drink BTB for 30 days. The 30 days were extended to 6 months. Then I started noticing the negative effects of setting myself strict rules.

Planning is a great tool. Writing a plan, including motivations, strategies for countering triggers, is a great help. It sets our minds in the right direction. You can read more about it in this great post on Zen Habits blog: http://zenhabits.net/2009/09/the-habit-change-cheatsheet-29-ways-to-successfully-ingrain-a-behavior/. Today, I would like to talk about different levels of planning. I call it: the planning onion. This is how I do it.

This is a story about my moderation journey. Every person and every story is different, but by listening to many different stories, doing a lot of reflection and practice, you can piece your own puzzle.

I read about writing a personal mission statement and how it can be a great source of energy for personal growth. So I started writing my own. It describes a set of beliefs, values, principles and behaviors with respect to: my self, people in my life, my work, and my marriage. I will share the "self" part. 

We often say that change comes in baby steps. You first realize that you want to change something about your behavior before you actually do anything about changing it. Well, actually, this is already a huge step. Probably you've first doubted. Or for once, really listened to someone's comment about your behavior, or read - instead of ignoring - that article describing the negative effects of... It may have taken you years to even realize, admit to your self that the way you behave is not in line with what you would really like for your self.

I've read somewhere a wonderful thought. I think it was in a very good book on overcoming perfectionism (The Now Habit). The "failed people" are not those who failed; successful people fail much more than average in fact; failed people are those who give up after their first failure.

Someone discussed once our ability to learn as we grow up. Some people believe that children's brain is simply more capable of learning. The contrary seems to be the case - at least on the level of our brain's capacity. However, one thing that children do better than most of us adults is: (a) not being afraid of mistakes, and (b) not being afraid to ask. 

So you tried to change, and you slipped. Take a deep breath. And exhale.

It's easier said than done I know, but try to focus on the learning process. All the practice and effort did not go out of the window. What would you say to a child learning to walk if it stumbles, or falls? Would you think she is never going to learn to walk, or that he just sucks at it, or that there's something wrong with her? Of course not. You would know falling down is a natural part of learning to walk.

I was triggered by a discussion about the importance of rules in self change. I think there is a very important aspect about rules not to be ignored. If not carefully formulated, rules can be used by our inner critic to undermine our self-esteem. When this happens, not only we feel bad, but we also undermine our change process. We may feel like a failure, and not worthy any further efforts to change.